


Hands

by bakamuura



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11035602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakamuura/pseuds/bakamuura
Summary: The most honest part of Oikawa has always been his hands. His hands are expressive, and maybe it's time Hajime's were too.





	Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! 
> 
> Here's my first ever fanfic based on an anime fandom. I hope you all enjoy it.  
> The story is loosely based off (and inspired by) Teddy's (Soodyo on tumblr) a [Handful of Iwaoi](http://soodyo.tumblr.com/post/126945108688/a-handful-of-iwaoi) art. Please do check out the artwork, it's amazing.
> 
> Onwards with the story!

The most honest part of Oikawa has always been his hands. 

Hajime thinks this one day as he watches Oikawa fidget, twisting the hem of his t-shirt around his index finger. He knows if he asks, Oikawa will say he’s fine, but Hajime knows he’s not fine. Oikawa only fidgets when he’s got something troubling him. 

Hajime isn’t sure what to say though, because what do you say to your best friend who’s two weeks away from being twelve and is blaming himself for the team’s loss. It isn’t like Oikawa will understand what Hajime, mature now that he _is_ twelve, will tell him about it not being his fault. Hajime knows it’s not Oikawa’s fault because volleyball is a team sport and a loss reflects on the team. 

“You’re gonna rip your shirt,” he says instead, half expecting Oikawa to let go of the hem but not really surprised when Oikawa ignores him. So he yells, because Oikawa is acting like a baby, though neither of them is, “I said you’ll rip it!” He pulls Oikawa’s hands towards him, the shirt snagging in between for a moment before it is finally free. 

Oikawa doesn’t say anything, he keeps his head down even when Hajime wraps his hands around Oikawa’s slender ones. There’s a moment of silence that Hajime breaks when he says, “It’s not your fault, you know.”

Oikawa’s hands are trembling so Hajime holds them for him, he’s been doing that since they were five, he thinks. He really can’t remember. He really can’t remember meeting Oikawa, so he always assumed they’ve known each other forever.

There were pictures of them together in the crib so they must have known each other forever. Hajime likes to pretend they met on July 20th. He likes to pretend Oikawa’s mother placed her newborn baby into the crib next to one-month old Hajime. 

They were forty days apart, as far as birthdays were concerned, but right then Oikawa is lightyears away. Hajime wonders if Oikawa’s dreaming of aliens again. Oikawa dreams of aliens as much as Hajime dreams of Oikawa.

He can’t reach Oikawa at times like these, because Oikawa shuts himself in and everyone else out. Hajime knows when Oikawa shuts him out, it means he’s upset; and he knows being upset means Oikawa isn’t doing well. But Oikawa keeps saying he’s okay and Hajime doesn’t know how to tell Oikawa it’s fine to not be okay, it’s okay to need help. 

And though Oikawa’s mouth lies, his hands don’t, so Hajime holds them. It’s the best he can do. 

* * *

Maybe it’s become a habit, but after every lost match, Hajime finds himself sitting next to Oikawa on a bench, hands covering Oikawa’s trembling ones. Oikawa never looks at him at those times. He seldom speaks, mostly just listens to Hajime’s awkward words of encouragement. Sometimes Oikawa cries, but he cries silent tears that Hajime pretends not to see regardless of how painful it becomes. 

It’s annoying at first, when they’re eleven, twelve, thirteen years old. It's embarrassing. But as they grow older and Hajime starts realizing the depth of his love for Oikawa, it becomes painful. By the time they’re fifteen Hajime wants to hurt anything that hurts Oikawa. There seems to be a lot that hurts Oikawa. 

He’s not sure what to do when Oikawa hurts himself. 

Oikawa does it again, he sits on a bench with his hands trembling and his head down. He doesn’t twist his fingers in his shirt this time. Maybe it's because he loves the volleyball jersey he’s wearing so much. It’s the Kitagawa-Daiichi’s captain’s jersey, Oikawa wanted to wear it since they started junior high.

Hajime walks up to Oikawa but doesn’t sit next to him. He stands there for a minute until Oikawa says weakly, “Iwa-chan, am I a bad person?”

Hajime knows Oikawa isn’t a bad person. He’s a good person, but good people make mistakes sometimes. Oikawa makes mistakes sometimes, because Oikawa is real, he’s not an idea Hajime made up years ago. 

Hajime scratches the back of his neck as he searches for words. “You’re dumb,” he says, “but you’re not a bad person.”

Oikawa’s head snaps up and he looks up at Hajime. There are tears in his eyes that Hajime wants to wipe away. He doesn’t, because the tears are in Oikawa’s eyes and not his hands. And the most truthful part of Oikawa is his hands. 

“But I almost hit Tobio-chan,” Oikawa says, “I would have hit him if you hadn’t stopped me.”

Hajime wants to tell him that it’s because his hands are honest. They're expressive, and they’ll spill the truth even if the truth is ugly anger. 

“I was so focused on my own goals, I couldn’t see the rest of the team. They all have their own goals, you’ve got yours too, and I should be there with you guys when you accomplish them. But I was so deep in my own training I didn’t realize you guys need help,” Oikawa continues, “maybe I’m not a bad person, then. But I’m not a good captain either.”

He tucks his chin down and tilts his face away as he says that last bit. Hajime’s eyes shift back to Oikawa’s hands. They’re gripping the edge of the bench now. Hajime wants to take them in his own. 

“You see it now,” he says, “and that makes you a good captain.” 

He sees Oikawa’s smile at those words and how his face lights up and knows they’re the words Oikawa wants to hear. Hajime isn’t good with words, but he’s good at making Oikawa feel better. 

Oikawa extends a hand towards Hajime, it isn’t trembling anymore, and Hajime wonders if maybe he can find another reason to hold it. 

“Hold my hand, will you?” Oikawa asks, and although Hajime scowls at him—because Hajime lies too, sometimes—he holds them regardless. 

* * *

Maybe he doesn’t need a reason to hold Oikawa’s hands, he thinks. Maybe just holding Oikawa's hands is reason enough. Oikawa seems to think so too, because ever since high school started, he's been holding onto Hajime more often. His hands would slip into Hajime's whenever he's scared, they'd rest on his shoulder when they're waiting, and they'd knot in his shirt when Oikawa's sad.

Oikawa's feelings have always been the reason for their contact. Hajime had held Oikawa's hands all those years when Oikawa was sad or scared or hurt. Recently, Oikawa's been holding onto Hajime whenever he can—when he's happy, or bored, or excited.

Hajime doesn't mind. He revels in the feeling. Secretly, of course. He doesn't comment, provides no encouragement and no boundaries. His silence must be encouraging enough because Oikawa continues to hold on to him. 

It becomes more frequent as they near their high school graduation. Hajime starts to wonder if maybe something is bothering Oikawa. He asks him one day, and Oikawa tries to laugh it off as if it's nothing, but Hajime knows better. 

He forces a confession out of Oikawa and wishes he hadn't. 

"I accepted that offer at university," Oikawa says, eyes avoiding Hajime's. He's doing that thing again where he twists a corner of his shirt around his index finger. 

Hajime has a flash of them when they were younger, Oikawa twisting the material of his shirt the same way, until Hajime forcibly stopped him, yelling that he'll tear holes in the shirt. 

"That's... that's umm.... good?" Hajime cringed at the sound of his voice. It wasn't supposed to come out as a question, it was supposed to be him being happy for his best friend.

Oikawa laughs nervously, "yeah I guess?" 

Hajime doesn't need to guess to know it's not good. He knows there's nothing good about this, because Oikawa's going to a different university. He's going to a different university for a different program. He's going somewhere Hajime isn't, play for a team Hajime isn't on. 

His heart feels like it's going to break into a thousand pieces. He wants to yell at Oikawa to change his mind, to reject that offer and go to the same university as Hajime, but he knows that's not what Oikawa wants. Oikawa has always wanted to go to this university; as his best friend, Hajime should be supportive. 

Hajime may have been Oikawa's best friend, but Oikawa was more than that to him. Oikawa was his other half, his life, his world. He feels lost and confused and scared, thinking about Oikawa leaving him behind. 

His mother had always said there would be a day when they'd both go their separate ways. Hajime liked to believe his mother didn't know him and Oikawa enough. He liked to believe they'd prove her wrong

He looks at Oikawa's eyes and sees nothing. Oikawa might be hurting, he thinks, but if he is, he'll hide it. 

He glances back down at Oikawa's hands. They're trembling, it makes Hajime feel better, ironically. 

He feels better because the trembling hands mean Oikawa's hurting, so maybe Hajime isn't the only one who's scared. He feels better because he knows what to do when Oikawa's hands tremble, it's familiar grounds. Unlike the future to come. 

Hajime reaches for Oikawa's hands and wraps his own around them, squeezing tight. 

"We'll be okay," he says, and he believes it. 

Maybe they'll go separate ways, but he's sure neither of them will walk away from the other. It's like they were at a fork in the road, two paths stretching up ahead, each of them choosing to walk a different one. 

He knows these two paths are parallel. He knows they'll eventually intersect. He knows at the end of this four year long path called university, he'll meet Oikawa again. 

* * *

The last day of high school, they're walking out of the school gates late. Oikawa wanted to walk around all the buildings one last time and revel in the memories he'd made. He forced Hajime to tag along, but Hajime doesn't mind. He never did.

They've taken five steps out of the school gates when Hajime stops in his tracks.

"Oikawa," he says, and when Oikawa turns his head to look at him, he forces a smile to his lips. "You and I, we'll meet on the court again, right?"

Oikawa offers his fist in a bump. A promise. "Of course. Maybe, this time, you'll get a shot at being captain." 

Hajime snorts, it doesn't matter. He bumps Oikawa's fist with his own, humors his friend, "bring it on." 

He's marvelling at how Oikawa's hands aren't shaking. How they're not cold, how in control they are, and maybe... maybe he should try to do the same. 

Oikawa's hands were expressive, and maybe it was time Hajime's were too. 

"One more thing," he says, drawing Oikawa's attention back to him. 

He knows Oikawa's about to make some snarky comment about Hajime holding them both up, and how they'll be late for dinner, because his mouth is open. Hajime doesn't let him talk, he reaches for Oikawa with one hand, brings Oikawa's face close to his own and kisses him. 

It's a total surprise when Oikawa lets him. Hajime's heart soars. 

When they've pulled apart, he strokes Oikawa's cheekbone with his thumb once, before letting his hand drop.

Oikawa's got the back of one hand pressed against his lips and he's blushing. His eyes are looking everywhere but at Hajime.

"Even if the team changes," Hajime says, "you and I are still partners."

Oikawa looks at him then, blushing deeper. Hajime knows Oikawa understands what he means. "Naturally," he says in response. 

Hajime reaches for Oikawa's hands again, pinky slipping into Oikawa's as they start walking, heading home. He feels lighter, happier. He'll never forget this last day of high school, and he'll never regret it. 

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa says, voice high pitched in a way that Hajime always thought was adorable but never admitted to. "I..."

"I know." Hajime interrupts. 

"Don't interrupt! That's rude," Oikawa whines, but Hajime knows he's not incredibly bothered by it. His pinky is still in Hajime's so Oikawa is okay. "I love you!" He exclaims in a rush. 

It makes Hajime's heart pound hard. He tries to hide the grin that plasters itself all over his face. "I don't need to hear it again," he says. "You've been saying it for years, and I just answered." 

Oikawa's always been an annoying little shit, Hajime thinks, which is why he's not at all surprised when Oikawa repeats the words like a mantra, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

It makes them both happy, so why not let Oikawa say it? Oikawa's laughing brightly, Hajime loves it. "I'm going to tell you I love you once every day for the rest of our lives," Oikawa says. 

"Just once?" Hajime asks with a raised eyebrow. 

"I can say it more than once if you want." Oikawa offers. Hajime knows it's a challenge. 

He stops again, pulls Oikawa close to him, arms wrapping around Oikawa's waist,"I love you." He says, and kisses his best friend once more.

Oikawa's hands are in his hair this time, fingers knotting tightly, as if they're afraid of losing Hajime. 

Hajime wants to show Oikawa that there's nothing to fear, because he's not going anywhere. He knows, however, if he tries to tell Oikawa, the taller boy will deny his fears. Oikawa's mouth lies a lot, Hajime knows. It lies about his fears and worries and desires, but his hands don't. 

So Hajime holds Oikawa's hand as they walk the rest of the distance home, because even when the rest of him lies, even when the rest of him is in denial, the most truthful part of Oikawa has always been his hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed it. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](http://bakamuura.tumblr.com)


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